I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
