Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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