She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
