At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
