he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
