just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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