guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
