you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
