Porn is love you can see.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
