in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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