i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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