I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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