I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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