Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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