she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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