We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Randomize
