this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
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