glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
