wrigley field is MILF paradise
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
