thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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