And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
