it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize