I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
