Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
After tacos, we're chasing women.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
