Small penises have feelings too.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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