I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Randomize
