I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
