they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You need Xanax blowdarts
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
