Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
