official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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