Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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