Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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