i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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