Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
