I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
