The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
