Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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