I'm sorry my penis didn't work
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
