i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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