Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Randomize
