i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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