capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
