youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
