You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Randomize
