We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
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