I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
