I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
