You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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