You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
