please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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