Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
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