My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
