I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
