i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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