her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
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I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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