? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
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