btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
