Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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