I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
