I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
