Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
