Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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