no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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