i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
