I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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