so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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