It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
