I can tuck mytits in my pants
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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