Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
How have you been? I havenโt talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Randomize
