I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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