GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
