i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
