I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
