sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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