Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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