Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
