I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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