im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
