His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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