i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
