Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
