Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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