I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Randomize
